Walkin' After Midnight

Well, my last story was about some safety changes we made to our house to try to keep the Parkinson's Haunted House from killing or injuring me. 

At the end of that story, I had acquired a teal-colored walker that I hoped would work. The first couple of hours that we had Tealy Man (a takeoff on the band Steely Dan) were spent cleaning the years of desert dust off of him, and adjusting his front wheels and back legs. After all, every woman wants a man who is the perfect height for her. 

meet TEALY MAN

One of the first things every Physical Therapist is going to notice and complain about is that I have the wheels on the inside. There's a reason for that: if the wheels are on the outside... it's an inch too wide for the narrow hallway. So, don't bother me, go get yourself a sense of humor... And your own man. 

Once we got him adjusted, I took him for a spin up and down the hallway and around the house. While I was walking with him, Wonderful Hubby was listening to Classic Country on Spotify and Patsy Cline was singing Walkin' After Midnight so that's where I got this story title from. 

Pretty soon, it was bedtime. This is where Tealy Man would get his first real test. I parked him at the end of the bed, across from the end of the heavy dresser I use to steady myself. Now all I had to do is... REMEMBER he was there. 

Because, let's face it, me lying on the floor all tangled up in a walker in front of full-length mirrored closet doors ain't gonna be pretty. Funny? Yes! But definitely not the way I want the emergency guys to see me.

I've fallen and I can't get up

 

So, it's about 2:15 AM, and I need to go pee. I make it to the end of the bed, grab Tealy Man and head for the Master Bathroom. I'm feeling quite steady in his embrace. Yesssss! 

You know how some doors open inward and some open outward, well the Master Bathroom door opens outward. This would normally be perfect, except this door wants to swing itself almost closed.

And when you have both your hands on your new boyfriend, it's tricky to open the door wide enough to get inside. Uh-oh. So what do I do? I leave him outside and go in alone. 

It's at this point that I realize just how much LOWER to the floor this toilet is compared to the new one in the hallway bathroom. Tealy Man helps me get safely back to my side of the bed and I fall asleep.

Now it's 5:45 AM and it's just getting light out. I'm dreading the "See my reflection in the mirror" freeze as I have to go pee again. But, hallelujah! It doesn't happen. I don't know if it's because my brain was distracted by Tealy Man but I don't care. I can easily walk across the 10-foot open area, out into the narrow hallway and down to the Hallway bathroom. 

That door opens inward, and stays open right up against the bathtub. When I get to the doorway, I turn Tealy Man 90° and walk right in. There's plenty of room to close the door. When I am finished, I turn Tealy Man 180° and we step back out into the hallway. Another 90° turn and Tealy Man helps me get back to bed. 

Plenty of room to maneuver

What used to take almost 60 seconds now can be SAFELY done in a few seconds. 

I think I'm in love. I just hope Wonderful Hubby doesn't get jealous. Especially if he finds out that Tealy Man can actually help me get up off the toilet, if it ever becomes necessary. 

Instant toilet handrail

In the meantime, Tealy Man and I are having a good time Walkin' all over the house and it's not just after midnight.

And there's a bonus, Wonderful Hubby can sleep through the night. 

A Few Inches Can Make a Big Difference

After too many near falls in the Parkinson's Haunted House, we needed to make some safety changes before it ended up killing me or worse. Worse than death? Yes, in my mind, there are lots of things worse than death. Not being able to share my warped sense of humor tops the list.

The first thing we did was to get Hector the Handyman to put new flooring in both bathrooms. We chose a subtle gray vinyl plank flooring because I thought the wild patterns of the old flooring were exacerbating my freezing episodes.

Master Bathroom 

Hallway bathroom 

While Hector was doing the hallway bathroom, he noticed that there was a huge crack in the toilet. It could have fallen apart and one of us could have been SERIOUSLY injured. Yikes! So, Wonderful Husband and Hector went to Lowes and came home with a taller toilet. It's only two inches higher but it's a big difference.

Next, was the narrow hallway walls. I kept bumping along them like a crazy pinball. Hector considered putting handrails along the walls, but there wasn't anything to attach them to at the right height for me. A few inches would have made a big difference. 

Long narrow hallway 

Needing something to hang on to, I went to visit my friend, Mr. Brooks, because he has a bunch of mobility devices. I borrowed the smallest walker he had. And it was a few inches too wide. Of course! 

So, I was talking to the community manager one day, explaining about the narrow hallway and how much trouble I was having trying to keep from falling. He said follow me, and took me to a large storage room. There was everything in there from hospital beds to canes! Who knew?

He grabbed his tape measure and started digging around. He came out with a teal colored standard walker and then he found a bright pink Rollator type walker with brakes and a seat. He said I should give them a try and if they don't work, he'd look for some others. 

The teal colored walker is just the right size. It's not an inch too big. 

Teal Walker in the Hallway 

I will write about how it works as soon as I give it a try. I might tame that Parkinson's Haunted House yet.

Keep your fingers crossed. 

The Fun House Becomes a Haunted House

It’s been over a year since I first wrote about living in the Parkinson’s Fun House. Back then I thought the slanted floors, magnetic feet, and random tiptoe buttons were bad enough. Ha! The carnival operators have clearly decided to up their game.

These days it feels less like a quirky county fair attraction and more like a full-blown haunted house running 24/7 with no exit in sight. The humor is getting harder to find on some days, but I’m still hunting for it.

Night Shift: Now Featuring New Surprises

Waking up for the inevitable nighttime bathroom trips is always an adventure. One night I stood frozen for what felt like forever, both feet super-glued to the floor, staring at my reflection in the mirrored closet doors thinking, If I fall right here, at least I’ll have a funny story… and a fresh bruise to add to the collection.

Another night, I could not get my right foot to move. It felt like I was in a three-legged race with a marble statue instead of a willing partner.

The return trip is where the real “fun” begins. I make it through the doorway, take a few steps, and suddenly it feels like an invisible hand shoves me hard from behind. My body pitches forward—bam!!—straight into the end of the bed. It’s not a full fall, but it’s enough to rattle the whole frame, jolt my husband awake, and send my heart racing. I grab whatever I can reach, steady myself, and crawl back under the covers.

Near-falls have become routine. I catch myself on door frames, the dresser, the bed—anything solid. Bruises are my new fashion statement. Wonderful Hubby has become a very light sleeper. Poor guy.

Day Shift: Quicksand and Pinball

Daytime isn’t much calmer. I toddle down the narrow hallway flat-footed one minute, up on my toes the next, bouncing off walls like a pinball that drank six espressos. Carrying anything heavier than a feather turns my feet into industrial-strength magnets while my upper body keeps trying to walk forward like a cartoon character who just ran off a cliff. 

Turning around in tight spaces (kitchen corners, in front of windows) feels like I’ve stepped onto a Tilt-A-Whirl operated by a sadistic ghost. One moment the floor turns to quicksand pulling me forward; the next, an invisible carnival clown gives me a two-handed shove from behind just for laughs.

The consolation prize is smaller now. Getting fully outside sometimes helps, but not always like it used to. The Fun House keeps expanding its territory and I'm having a difficult time keeping up.

Still Here, Still Adapting

The near-falls are the scariest part—they come fast and leave me shaky. But we keep adapting: clearer pathways, strategic handholds, and plenty of deep breaths (plus the occasional dark laughter) when I crash into the bed again.

Wonderful Husband remains my rock, my reset button, and my favorite reason to keep hunting for the funny.

If the carnival operators are listening: I’d like to return to the gentler version, please. Or at least issue me a helmet and knee pads with the admission price. In the meantime, I’ll keep toddling forward—bouncing off walls, surviving the shoves, and refusing to let this thing steal all the joy. 

Laughter is still the best medicine, even when I have to hunt a little harder for it these days. 🎡